Resume
by Kikimora
Summary: More of a reflection than a fanfic... WARNING: thoughtprovoking. If you want to relax and have fun, just don't read it.


**Resume**

_Only the one who'll pay for it  
May judge the price  
A. Trofimov._

Naraku kneeled before a low table, on which there were a few of new scrolls fly-blown by his playful hieroglyphs. He unrolled one and started re-reading it – it's useful to re-read your own text, especially before publishing.

The First Scroll.

"_The Stone of Souls is almost complete. Only five fragments are left, plus those which the boy and the wolf possess. They will soon be mine. Everything is so odd now... I've already had an opportunity to collect all the fragments few months ago, and now I have to compete with Inuyasha. He's worth of it, of course. All of them are worth of it. Young and rash – sleek, pink romance. I could have let them collect the Stone themselves, and then feasted my eyes upon how they're going to divide it. That would have been extremely amusing... On the one hand, Kagome – miko – must Keep it (yeah, with the cap letter 'K'). At the same time Inuyasha wants to use it in order to become a youkai... or a human, I don't really get it. And also it would have been very funny to see how they're going to take the fragments from Kouga. Oh no, those warriors of justice will never do without me. They will wait – unconsciously, of course – until I collect the whole Stone, accomplish the black deed, and after that they'll destroy me calmly, with their conscience clear. _

"_For they will destroy me indeed. I know it, I feel it more bright and more distinct every time. The more often they lose, the bigger their negative profit is, the more obvious their win is. For me – not for them. As I have already been there. I've been the same as Inuyasha, and more than once. The Superhero hugging the Superweapon, a couple of incurable complexes and insuperable problems. Pay all scores at once – kill the main evildoer. Since the evildoers are executed, the hero gains the aureole of glory and the embrace of his favourite prudence. Ah how many times have I partaken the merited praising, how many times have I been ready to jump over the Moon in my joy – we've defeated the Evil!.. We've defeated!.. Hail us and make us drink to death. Or no, better do not notice whom you owe your and your children's lives, and we'll pass out of sight at the nearest turning, sweetly hugging each other. Ah, nostalgia... But now I wouldn't be happy with it. My soul has grown old, and although it is every time settled in a body of a potential hero, it won't fight the "evil". It doesn't see any sense."_

Naraku smiled tenderly and rolled the delicate paper up. Then he took the next one.

The Second Scroll.

"_Speaking of prudences. When I was acting a hero, my tastes about women were totally different. I was attracted by quick-witted brisk ladies who knew what I wanted better than I did. And I wanted much indeed... However these are not Don Juan's memoirs, and I won't go into appetizing details, for I hope, some poetasters have already took care of those adventures of mine. _

"_So, well, although it's strange, but now I start realising the charm of this chastity. The longer you're shy of each other, the less sure you are about the other's feelings, the more time you can prolong your romance. In tiny little steps to the goal, springing backwards, burning fingers, and only rarely dropping a tear of fear for the beloved person, you can advance extremely slow and never come anywhere. The road that never ends – isn't it a paradise? But the rival – that's too much! Especially such a promising one. I'll remove the rival, I'll do my best for it, in a paradise for the two there is no place for the shadows of the past. Kikyo has had her time kissing, let her now make way for the young generation. And I'll increase my guilt with another cruel murder – an ambrosial deliverance for the three. _

"_However it's playing into my hands. Otherwise there appears a risk that not me, but some 'father's enemy' or even Sesshoumaru would be the main evildoer. Sesshoumaru unfortunately is still far from remorse and really risks to take up my role. It's a risk for him indeed because then the danger of near death will threaten him, not me. But I won't allow it. A little of bustle, a concocted motive – and here you can see The Lord of Western Lands (or how's he called?) follows in my tracks. And here he helps Inuyasha once. And here – twice. Delightful. I burst out with maniac laughter and rub my hands – a negative character is becoming a positive one before our very eyes, and this is, certainly, my achievement. _

"_It seems to me sometimes that I'm the one moving dibs in this game. I even boast with it, in order to threaten. I'm almost a grand master, it's only that it is myself, who's dib is doomed from the very outset. And my task is – not to win, but to change as much as I can before I pass away. I took it upon myself, I knew the rules of the game from the very beginning, because I've already played it a million times – but white. Do you know how the life differs from chess? The black move first."_

Naraku weighed the aphorism another time – shouldn't he correct it a little so that it wouldn't sound so bombastically? But finally decided not to daub, put the scroll away, then took a blank one and began to scribble.

The Third Scroll.

"'_Which god has found it necessary to scoff at me to that extent?' thought I a couple of dozens of incarnations ago. 'Why do they let me remember my previous births, why do they make me a superwarrior each time?' And then I remembered one of my lives where I've found myself in a very small little world where the friends and the enemies both could have been counted on fingers... and I killed all the enemies. In a few years – without remainder. But that darned place wasn't a paradise at all, and people there looked at me with suspicion, as if saying, well, there are no foes left, isn't he going to chop us into mincemeat? Time passed, and my friends achieved academic degrees, went into politics and trade, and I still remained a superhero-with-a-big-katana-and-without-brains, and my girlfriend has left me for a neighbour-merchant. Without a slightest idea of what's going on I simply stuck there working part-time as a loader, until I was dreadfully old. And I thought: 'How come! But I'm such a great lad, I've always won, all the previous times, and I've done everything correctly this time as well, with light in my eyes and fire in my heart... How did I deserve this punishment!' However this wasn't a punishment, but a hint. They showed me the reverse of the chocolate medal from afar, teasing: try, take it from me, take it from me and make it better. _

"_And so I did. "My plan is – not to interfere till the very end. It doesn't matter that there are other evildoers besides myself, it's even better that I'm not alone. I have plenty of time to collect my thoughts before the next round. But I'll endeavour even to die in such a way that Inuyasha'd have enough to fight with for a long while after my death. I won't get him in wrong, won't betray him. I won't let him turn off the right way. I've become an evildoer in order to let him become a hero. I've selected him of many others, of thousands, I've chosen friends for him. The time he was a child I couldn't find any appropriate friends, that's why I had to arrange it so that he slept until the moment of their arrival, and during this while I had time to arrange the foothold – for instance, to put a curse on Miroku's family. Or to cause the quarrel between kitsune and the lightning-people. Or to turn the well into the time machine – in some incarnation I've been engaged in building those machines... A hero must be quick-tempered – I know this from my own experience. I also know that girls are passionately fond of berserks. He also must be an orphan, otherwise parents would be thrusting into his business with lectures. It's also desirable for him to be wild and embittered, but to have a kind heart – this part can't be omitted! The option suggested itself: my hero was going to be born a lost-soul half-demon, and the dissonant 'hanyou' was going to become his seal of rejection. To keep him from perking. Even more so because this choice will later on allow to solve inter-racial conflicts. _

"_And I torment him so that he, worn out, could enjoy the warmth of loving hands; and I run away from him as far as I can so that he could help wretched and miserable on his way. But I won't kill him. I even don't try: I know, it will come to nothing. The hero can't be killed, the hero dies off screen after many dozens of years pass, when no one watches him, when his legendary image becomes a lot more principal than the real one."_

Naraku put the filled up scroll away, waiting for the ants-hieroglyphs to dry up and become less importunately-alive. It was not the first time that he thought it all over, but to commit it to paper like this, to inventory, or, more precise, to do a bull-session in his own soul... Some of the thoughts still made him break into death-damp.

The Forth Scroll

"_The time I first realized it I've been writhing on the ground and moaning for two hours. Then I got used to the idea. How do the gods create the evildoers? The way they created me. Of the heroes. Of conscientious, eager, open-hearted fanatics-functionaries. And that means, all those whom I've fought – they're... fraters. Big brothers. Probably, Masters, at least some of them. They were there for me, and not to conquer the world. They took tender care of me, of my career, of my family happiness... And I hated them frankly, properly. And that was right, I wasn't to know the truth, otherwise what kind of a thrilling epopee is it? Inuyasha will never learn the truth. I'll fight him in the final battle, laughing demonically, and I'll die with a drawling hoarse howl – I'll do this for him, I'll suffer this indignity, for I'll do my utmost for his sake. For my own sake. For the sake of that me, for whom the death-moans of the enemies were the sweetest music. I WAS happy. And I want to offer this opportunity to the others. _

"_My only secret gain, hope, dreamboat, nightwish – name it in light of your own depravity – is to die a natural death. Not from the execrative hand. I want to gather the whole Stone, I'll do it at any price, I'll overtake Inuyasha, I'll take everything away from everyone, since I believe, I trust that my death might follow as a side-effect of using the Shikon. Or that, at least, I'll go insane, and nothing would matter to me anymore. I'm not afraid of death – ridiculous, having died so many times, to be afraid of it. No, it's just that I think, what if Inuyasha in some hundreds of incarnations becomes an evildoer as well. It may be that if he didn't kill at least one of his foes himself, if the foe died because of his own foolishness – the poor bloke would have to writhe on the ground for a minute less. _

"_And one more point to be curious about: will I become an evildoer after this life as well? Or again a hero? No, I won't become a hero – I simply won't be able. Unless they confer oblivion on me... However I believe now a chain of evil incarnations will begin. But what will happen after it?.. Will I be disappointed with that as well? Or will there be anything I can't even surmise right now? Or will the doomsday happen before it will be my turn? Or... probably, the demiurge's career is awaiting me? Indeed, there is someone who chooses US, us who scheme other people's fates. Oh, dreams, dreams. Touch wood."_

Naraku lay down supine and stared at the ceiling. The head was right-down empty, it was no good to plan the future actions with such a head.

"I should make sure that these notes eventually fall into Kagome's hands. She's a compassionate girl. I bet she'll be mourning over my grave, though she certainly won't understand anything at all."


End file.
